One Story Ends; Another Begins

All great stories have a protagonist that begins the story as one person and through internal and external conflict becomes someone new. I have moved many times and said good bye to many people in my lifetime. Those in my training could attest to the numerous examples I give that showcase my ability to adapt and overcome through those farewell changes. My "get to know me" slide presentation, that automatically transitions while my students arrive, mentions the 23 times I changed schools as a child. Every experience in my lifetime has made me into the person I am, little by little. However, I am not sure if it was the length of time I remained in place or divine timing, but I am not the same person that showed up to Hurlburt Field in 2007 and I feel more myself leaving than I have ever felt in my entire life.

When I received my assignment to Hurlburt Field, I was deployed and all I remembered was being excited for no snow. I arrived and was assigned as the Non-commissioned Officer in Charge of the Commander Support Staff at the 4th Special Operations Squadron. It was expected that I would be placed in a unit because it is rumored that's where "dirt bag Airmen" go in my career field. Was I one of those? Nah! My personnel file just looked like I was. I would say that after my eight short months in that unit, they were pleasantly surprised by me and I loved every minute of my time there. Why eight short months you might be wondering? Was it discovered that I was indeed awesome and was pulled from my unit? Nope! Although that has happened a lot in the past, I actually decided to separate from the Air Force. Many factors were weighed when I made that decision, but that is a story for another time. I get picked on quite a bit for separating at 11 years and some change. However, I believe that decision was the beginning of the end for the old Christina.

After I separated I proudly wore the title of military spouse and did my best to support my Airman. I probably was a little weird about it since I was prior service and knew so much about the Air Force and its inner working. That might have been a piece of the "my part" in my divorce that would occur almost eight years later. That is also another story for another time. I worked to fit in as a military spouse. I joined the Hurlburt Spouses Club (HSC). I volunteered. I attempted numerous times to engage in what I thought was the "spouse" thing to do. I never quite fit in. It was quite lonely at times, but I was used to that. What I was not used to was feeling like I was not contributing to the mission. My dearest little one helped with that, in a way.

My second little social butterfly (its weird that it is my 2nd and 4th children-like it skips a kid, people!) was quite unhappy at home, so I decided to find a way to put her in daycare to give her some friends. I discovered a VA work study position at the Airman & Family Readiness Center (A&FRC) through a friend at the HSC. I applied and BOOM daycare money. This is when the weird character that sets the protagonist on their journey enters in my story. I met my now mentor and friend at the A&FRC (please tell me you are picturing him as a weird old troll or something sharing his wise words in riddles with an oddly high pitched voice). At the time, I had no idea the impact he would have on my life and did not see his wily ways. He is a sneaky f***, but for good reason and I am grateful. However, I was not always that grateful because the next six years were not always easy.

So many changes happened in my life over those six years. I was quite lost as a person and had to relearn lessons and learn many many new lessons. I have grown so much as a person. Growth does not always come in a pretty package as I soon discovered. My growth triggered my fourth and hardest divorce. I dare say that divorce about killed me. Not many people know how hard it was on me, but if you are reading this now you know. I gained and lost friends, sometimes in what seemed like a blink of an eye. I made many mistakes and created beautiful memories. Looking back I was not always sure I made the right decisions in those six years, but even the s***ty ones made me who I am today.

I was listening to a song by Lady Antebellum the other day. It is called One Day You Will. I have identified with that song for many years. I hear it all the time because it is on my "resilience" play list...yeah go ahead and judge me for that if you want. It is good stuff to listen to on breaks during my classes. Any how, in that song they sing:
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
I remembered every other time I heard that song, I wanted to be at the "one day you will" place because I felt like I was at the "just keep holding on" place. But, this time was different. I made it...well almost. I found love. I love myself to the point that I no longer feel there is a void in my life anymore. I found peace the moment I decided to end this story of my life and start a new book. I truly believe in my soul that the "you [I'm] meant to be" is on the other side of this journey I am about to embark on.

I began my story at Hurlburt Field as just another Airman and I am ending as a courageous, intelligent, and confident woman. I leave knowing that I am leaving behind a great legacy that I can be proud of, but also I am making room for someone else to grow into the "you [they] are meant to be." My time at Hurlburt Field could be the greatest story of my life. We will see what adventures the next book holds for me.