I'm Mfing Awesome, Yo!

I recently moved to Texas from Florida with two of my daughters. It seems that my nine year old daughter is doing just fine...dare I say, even thriving. While, my seventeen year old and myself are really blah about the whole thing. If you read my last post , you know that I am completely aware of my internal struggle with this move. If you have read my post, Words Unsaid , you will know that my brain is a super-filing-system set on figuring out problems. The fact that we are not doing as well as my nine year old poses a problem to me. I know...I know...we should not compare ourselves to others, but by golly I want to feel as great as that little sweet girl of mine. We recently had an amazing girls night out. My brother and his wife gifted us theater tickets to see " Anastasia ." In my mind I believed this would be the first solution to our little issue of being meh . I will just lead with, we had a great time and I will talk about that more in just a sec. Right now, I wa...

Since, quitting my job and moving to Texas, I have recently been feeling this eerie sense of deja vu. My thoughts, emotions, actions, and physical well-being all seem familiar, but I have never done anything like this before....or have I? I use the word familiar because its like a hazy representation of where I feel I have been before. I wonder if this is what it feels like to have one of those reoccurring past life experiences....who knows?! Its kind of easy to ignore because its just kind of lightly there. How do you deal with feelings that are just lightly there? You know you should deal with them, but its not like they are taking over your life. I still do stuff. I still sleep, just not as well. So, whats the hurry, right? I have other things to focus on like my kids's transition and finding a job. But, it keeps tugging at me...like an annoying toddler pulling on my shirt. "Hey! pay attention to me." "Well, I would if I knew why you are here." In a ...

There is a false belief that all independent people have an aversion to asking for help or accepting help. I am an extremely independent person and I do in fact ask for and accept help. However, it seems that my ability to survive on my own has given people the excuse to not come through for me more times than I can count. Why would someone help me when they know eventually I will make it happen on my own if they just wait long enough? This is what I believe creates a vicious cycle of being forcefully independent: relying on others, them letting you down, you doing it yourself. Then these folks will either get upset because they were going to eventually get to it or they say something like "see you didn't need me anyhow." Whats wrong with this, you may wonder? The issues I seem to notice is it takes a toll on the relationship and negatively impacts my self-worth and ability to trust. Where is this blog post coming from? As you well know, my posts come from personal ex...