The Curse of Being Independent

There is a false belief that all independent people have an aversion to asking for help or accepting help. I am an extremely independent person and I do in fact ask for and accept help. However, it seems that my ability to survive on my own has given people the excuse to not come through for me more times than I can count. Why would someone help me when they know eventually I will make it happen on my own if they just wait long enough?

This is what I believe creates a vicious cycle of being forcefully independent: relying on others, them letting you down, you doing it yourself. Then these folks will either get upset because they were going to eventually get to it or they say something like "see you didn't need me anyhow." Whats wrong with this, you may wonder? The issues I seem to notice is it takes a toll on the relationship and negatively impacts my self-worth and ability to trust.

Where is this blog post coming from? As you well know, my posts come from personal experiences that spark some kind of emotion for me and this is where I let it out to deal with it. During my recent transition, I did not receive a lot of support or help. I am very grateful for the support and help I did receive and that is where I chose to focus most of the time. However, a statement that was made to me recently has been playing in my head for over a week. The statement was something similar to: "I have not forgotten about your letter of recommendation. I have two other people that do not have as many opportunities as you. Plus, I know you will be okay anyhow." What in the actual f***?! I asked for this letter many moons ago and now because I am capable of doing it on my own, in your mind, you are putting two other people that are less capable before me?

I get told time and time again that I create my difficult life by not asking for or accepting assistance, but then I look at situations like this and I am like "do I really?" I also get asked why I am so salty all the time, even when I am really trying not to. THIS is one of the reasons why. I would give my last shirt to someone if they needed it, even if they were capable of getting their own shirt eventually. Yet, I rarely get the same in return. I get asked why I struggle in relationships. THIS is one of the reasons why. I get tired of being with someone that knows I can do it on my own, so they let me. Or dudes just don't seem to want an independent woman.

I think a lot of the reasons independent people do not receive help or support is psychological. I wrote about broken promises and I think some of that sciency stuff ties in to this. I'm sure that those that are not being supportive either have no idea why they are doing it or have an aversion to accepting their part in things. I Googled the hell out of "why people don't help independent people" and the many others ways that can be said. There is not one article on that, AT ALL! Every article puts it on the independent person for not accepting or asking for help. This puts me on the peck (ha ha ha a Western saying to say I am mad or irritated).

So back to the negative impact this type of situation seems to have. I really struggle in relationships because I want to feel like I am valued and when this happens, I do not. When it happens a lot, that relationship starts to falter or I just let that s*** go. Then the other person is like "but whyyyyy?" When I try to explain it to them the excuses begin to pour out and almost EVERY...SINGLE...TIME, something about me being capable comes out as if I should be thanking them for ALLOWING me the opportunity to be independent (ha ha ha...don't make me laugh). When those broken promises happen and the excuse is my independence, that takes a toll on the trust in the relationship.

We all need support in life. Human beings are not made to be independent. I am sure there are some genes that cause us to be more apt to be independent, but I truly feel independent people are made by the people that let them down....time and time again. Then we are looked down upon for being who we are and it becomes the perfect excuse for others to be lazy and careless with our relationship. Not cool! Not cool, at all!!!