I'm Mfing Awesome, Yo!

Why is it so hard to make friends? Humans need social connections to survive and thrive. I feel that developing friendships gets harder as we get older, but then wonder if it slopes back down after a certain age. Since moving to Texas, I have met many wonderful people that I believe had good intentions to grow a friendship with me. I have been here for nine months and feel disconnected. The other day, I was sharing how I was feeling with a new person in my life. She expressed she had been experiencing the same thing. That conversation inspired this post. As a child, I did struggle to make friends, but not like how I do now. I kind of just picked someone that liked the same things as me and then would be friends for however long. I have noticed that as people get older, like golden years older, they start to lack f***s. By then I think I might be like "either you like me or you don't." I have shared in previous posts why friendship is distinctly challenging for me...

I am starting to feel myself disengage. This tends to happen when I feel my current circle is not connected with me. It probably does not sound like a big deal, but it is. I understand the ramifications of isolation and disconnection all too well. I am terrified of this feeling of disengagement. It can lead to detrimental physical, mental, and emotional consequences. I am feeling very sad, lost, scared, and alone. It's pretty damn dark down here in this hole and I have gone out into the wilderness without my gear of coping skills. I can faintly hear my long distance friends calling out to me, but I cannot figure out how far away or in which direction they are. It is cold, damp, and dreary. I can see little glimmers of light through the thick branches and leaves. I am weary. I am also enlightened-very aware of what is going on. Once you are enlightened, you cannot really go back to being ignorant. I know I am out in the darkness alone, but I cannot find me. I am desperately m...

I would like to quickly share how I feel about the phenomenon I call the Sonar Ping text message. This is when someone texts you a "Hey," "Hello," "Sup," [hand wave], etc. You send a quick response back and then you do not hear from them again until much time has passed. I can only guess as to why people do this. Maybe, they want to make sure you are still available to them-when and if they actually want to make time for you. Or possibly, they want to make sure you are alive-feeling guilty about ignoring you. Or perhaps, they genuinely wanted to connect with you but, something is preventing them from completing that chain. Usually this type of behavior does not bother me, but right now it bugs the f**** outta me. You see, I am desperately craving connection and attention. I miss my friends in Florida so very much. I miss my face to face interactions with them. These days, I am alone a lot. Texting is just not quite cutting it anymore. Texting from cer...

A lot of people have decided that I took a few steps back. I disagree. I was recently terminated from my job...that is the nice way HR says: It has been surprising to most that I am not terrified or ashamed. I will say that I felt betrayed and my feelings were hurt. But, I was not surprised by any means. Do not get too excited if you are looking for the juicy details of what went down. I am not going there. It took me all of about two hours to get over my hurt feelings-this comprised of cleaning out my office, turning over projects, and driving home. I was quite confused by this. But, I took a matter of fact approach to the situation. I started researching my rights and thinking about my next move. As I reflected and researched, I reminded myself: the position was not a good fit for me super successful people have often attributed their success to being fired I have always come back bigger and better each time I am knocked down BONUS: I have a new story for my resilienc...