I'm Mfing Awesome, Yo!

I have been exploring true connection for about two years. Brené Brown [yup I am back to talking about my idol] has been my teacher on the subject. I read her books and put her teachings into practice. It is hard at first, but it gets easier. I am at a tender moment in my life. I want to share some things that I have learned that are helping me right now. Marble Jar The story Brené shares in many of her books when teaching her daughter about boundaries has resonated with me. I had no boundaries for a long time. This was due to my instant relationships and desperation for connection. My excuse was "oh I am just being honest." That honestly hurt me more times than helping me. In the story, Brené's daughter is upset that a friend betrayed her. Brené uses the marble jar that sits on her daughter's teacher's desk as her analogy. The teacher would add a marble to the jar when the students would do great things for each other and behaved well. But, when they wou...

I have always been afraid to show people who I really am.  It is a vulnerable place to be and admitting it is just as vulnerable. One of the promises I made to myself when I embarked on my journey of courage in January was to be true to myself. I have not been perfect at it, but I have done pretty well.  Not compromising who you are can shrink your circle and can be quite lonely. That loneliness can get to me. However, it is much lonelier to be surrounded by people and feel completely disconnected from them and myself. I believe there is some sort of relative gap and can cause the feeling of loneliness to have more or less impact. Being rejected when you are you can be painful. For an overthinker and problem solver like me it can be torture-keeping me awake most nights, analyzing all the data. I lay awake working out the problem of "is it worth it?" In the end, I determine that it is. But, the time and energy spent working out the problem is forever gone and I ...

When words escape me, music is there. I wrote a similar sentence on a letter I wrote to my daughter in Army Basic Combat Training. I committed myself to writing to her twice a week. I need a schedule or I will forget crap. Yeah, I know! How can I forget to write to my kid? Easy-it just happens. I am not ashamed of my momming anymore. My kids are pretty awesome, so I guess I do not suck.  Back to music. There I was, exhausted from a week of boring a** Salesforce training, with nothing to say. I had turned on my Music Monday Compilation just for background noise and stared at the videos. A few songs went by and I thought to myself "my daughter really could use these songs right now." So that is how her letter got started. I wrote the word "Remember" and started writing some lyrics from Titanium . I thought that would be a perfect start because we love the movie Pitch Perfect and that song has a special place in the movie. I thought after the lyrics, I would ...