Skip to main content

My Thoughts - Do I Make You Uncomfortable?

Edward Lewis: “what’s your name?” Vivian: “what do you want it to be?” – Pretty Woman
dailymail.co.uk
Why would I even start a post like that?! Because, this is what most of my life reminds me of. I spent a large part of my life being what everyone else expected or wanted me to be. Of course, keeping up a charade can be difficult, so I would be rebellious every now and again. This did not go over well. Why would it? I am not behaving as expected. Pretending for so long led me to not even knowing who I am. I was a shell of a human being just going through the motions.


 I have finally rediscovered who I am and dare I say “I like me.” I even like the parts of me that are shaped by adversity and make me “unhealthy” according to mental health experts. 

We talk about not caring what others think and to not judge each other. However, think about it. That is exactly what we do. I prefer to be around children and animals over random adults because children and animals do not judge you or have many expectations of you. They just are curious and loving. Adults, however, tend to have expectations and if you do not meet those expectations they tie a “reason” to it which sometimes turns to a judgement.

I am not mad just because I am not smiling like a clown. Maybe I am just thinking about something and not focused on making everyone else feel comfortable. Plus, I burn more calories while frowning. I am not rude just because I do not shake every person’s hand in a room. Maybe, I am just observing my surroundings and when I find someone that interests me I will go talk to them. I am not isolating myself just because I have walls 3 feet thick and a moat surrounding my castle. Maybe I am just selective as to who I allow in my court. I do not need any sneaky usurpers around. I do not lack creativity just because I do not draw or paint. Maybe I am creative every day in my life. Getting around obstacles takes some damn creativity sometimes. I am not single because I make weird faces or I am mean. Maybe I am single because I have not found the person that would make it worth me changing my awesome life. I am not without self-love just because giving to others brings me joy. I took the 5 Love Languages test. I am all about ‘dem’ Acts of Service. We give love the way we like to receive it (btw appreciation will go a long way with me #5LL #AoS). This is just who I am. Yes, some of who I am has been shaped by negative experiences in my life, but I am still just as awesome. If there is something about myself that causes myself or those I love harm, best believe I will acknowledge it and work to correct it. But I am not going to change just because it makes you uncomfortable.

Let me put it this way, we are all kind of like a blob of play-dough. If nothing shaped us, we would be quite boring. But we are shaped…shaped by people, experiences, and so many other things. So, maybe instead of telling that play-dough sculpture to be different because it makes you uncomfortable, maybe we should instead admire the sculpture for what it is or just not look at it. Who goes to a museum and says “that painting needs to be different?” It is much easier to accept something for what it is and maybe even admire or love it, than to demand it to change. Maybe if you looked at it long enough, you would notice the little details that make it so wonderful despite that oddness. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Will You Be My Friend?

Why is it so hard to make friends? Humans need social connections to survive and thrive. I feel that developing friendships gets harder as we get older, but then wonder if it slopes back down after a certain age. Since moving to Texas, I have met many wonderful people that I believe had good intentions to grow a friendship with me. I have been here for nine months and feel disconnected. The other day, I was sharing how I was feeling with a new person in my life. She expressed she had been experiencing the same thing. That conversation inspired this post. As a child, I did struggle to make friends, but not like how I do now. I kind of just picked someone that liked the same things as me and then would be friends for however long. I have noticed that as people get older, like golden years older, they start to lack f***s. By then I think I might be like "either you like me or you don't." I have shared in previous posts why friendship is distinctly challenging for me...
9 comments
Read more

My Experiences - A Year Later!

It has been almost one year since my last blog post. I have been on a long journey since that day and I could not bring myself to write during that time. I am ready to write again. My last post was about me taking care of myself, specifically through physical fitness and relationships. I will talk about my fitness journey in this post because, honestly, it is just easier.
Post a Comment
Read more

I Am Enough!

I have recently discovered what my "trigger" is in relationships. Those things that cause me to feel uneasy and either crush me or make me want to bolt...perhaps even both of those things at the same time. Why is this important? Well, because it sets up standards for me in relationships. Those things that I do not like are exactly the opposite of what I want in a relationship. Contrary to popular belief, people have different things they want. There may be variations when it comes to family, friendship, work-ships, and romantic relationships, but it can be very enlightening to really dig deep to find out. I had been feeling uneasy about a friendship I recently rekindled and I was trying to figure out what was bothering me. I talked to my best friend about it at length because it helps me work through things...poor girl. I really thought it was one thing and even communicated that to said friend. Well, apparently I needed the right combination of booze and context to get to...
Post a Comment
Read more