Edward Lewis: “what’s your name?” Vivian: “what do you want it to be?” – Pretty Woman
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Why would I even start a post like that?! Because, this is what most of my life reminds me of. I spent a large part of my life being what everyone else expected or wanted me to be. Of course, keeping up a charade can be difficult, so I would be rebellious every now and again. This did not go over well. Why would it? I am not behaving as expected. Pretending for so long led me to not even knowing who I am. I was a shell of a human being just going through the motions.
I have finally rediscovered who I am and dare I say “I like me.” I even like the parts of me that are shaped by adversity and make me “unhealthy” according to mental health experts.
We talk about not caring what others think and to not judge each other. However, think about it. That is exactly what we do. I prefer to be around children and animals over random adults because children and animals do not judge you or have many expectations of you. They just are curious and loving. Adults, however, tend to have expectations and if you do not meet those expectations they tie a “reason” to it which sometimes turns to a judgement.
I am not mad just because I am not smiling like a clown. Maybe I am just thinking about something and not focused on making everyone else feel comfortable. Plus, I burn more calories while frowning. I am not rude just because I do not shake every person’s hand in a room. Maybe, I am just observing my surroundings and when I find someone that interests me I will go talk to them. I am not isolating myself just because I have walls 3 feet thick and a moat surrounding my castle. Maybe I am just selective as to who I allow in my court. I do not need any sneaky usurpers around. I do not lack creativity just because I do not draw or paint. Maybe I am creative every day in my life. Getting around obstacles takes some damn creativity sometimes. I am not single because I make weird faces or I am mean. Maybe I am single because I have not found the person that would make it worth me changing my awesome life. I am not without self-love just because giving to others brings me joy. I took the 5 Love Languages test. I am all about ‘dem’ Acts of Service. We give love the way we like to receive it (btw appreciation will go a long way with me #5LL #AoS). This is just who I am. Yes, some of who I am has been shaped by negative experiences in my life, but I am still just as awesome. If there is something about myself that causes myself or those I love harm, best believe I will acknowledge it and work to correct it. But I am not going to change just because it makes you uncomfortable.
Let me put it this way, we are all kind of like a blob of play-dough. If nothing shaped us, we would be quite boring. But we are shaped…shaped by people, experiences, and so many other things. So, maybe instead of telling that play-dough sculpture to be different because it makes you uncomfortable, maybe we should instead admire the sculpture for what it is or just not look at it. Who goes to a museum and says “that painting needs to be different?” It is much easier to accept something for what it is and maybe even admire or love it, than to demand it to change. Maybe if you looked at it long enough, you would notice the little details that make it so wonderful despite that oddness.
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