I. am. LONELY. There! I have said it. What would be your response if I said it to you directly? You would be amazed at how others may feel about this statement. I have found that it is a very misunderstood ideal. I decided to try to understand it better myself through reflection and share my feelings on the subject...my feelings on my feeling of loneliness.
In my current work position, I am a part of a movement that promotes social connectedness to combat loneliness, depression, and suicide. I am not going to say that it does not work, but I am going to share my feelings on how vague I feel that ideal is. I am socially connected. I am connected on social media. I have learned how to have friends for the first time in my life. I get out there and meet new people. I am dating. Yet, I am still lonely. How is that? I feel it is because I am not connected to people I can relate to in my current place in life.
My feelings of loneliness have grown to an enormous size and through my reflections over the last week, I have realized it is because I am socially connected on such an enormous level. I am overexposed to all the things I would love to have in my life, but I do not. I am overexposed to all the reminders that I am different or odd or broken or whatever. I feel more isolated now than I think I ever have before. And to be completely honest, I am angry at the thought of how less lonely I was when I was actually alone. The quick response I would get from anyone I could tell this to is "be happy with what you have" or "there are others like you, you just have to find them." I do not believe it is as simple as just get over it and just find people like me.
It is not just my personal surroundings that perpetuate and grow my feelings of loneliness. I have also found that its the entertainment business also. It is really tough when you are THAT person that is being made fun of or being put down. No one around you in the movie theater or comedy club knows, but you do. Your heart sinks and you feel like everyone is moving away from you or staring at you. This industry also promotes so many things I cannot relate to anymore or the life I wish I had. Not to mention all the absurd romantic movies that cause me to believe in these unattainable romantic ideals.
I do not like being this sensitive AT ALL! It is not enjoyable to be angry at things that should be celebrated. It is not enjoyable to want to feel like crying all day everyday. It is not enjoyable to feel like yelling at a friend to "just shut up" when they are talking to you because you just cannot take feeling so alone anymore. So, I thought about what can I do about this. My first thoughts were not "the entertainment industry needs to be more inclusive" or "my friends really need to respect me more and not do what ever they are doing to cause this loneliness." I decided I need to do something about this.
I have realized that not all advice or self-help or therapy assignments are a good fit for me because those things are what have brought me to this place of despair and I DO NOT want to be here anymore. I have decided to take some steps on my own to combat this feeling. They may not be mainstream ideas, but I have realized that I am not mainstream.
This is going to be hard. I am already dreading it. I do not like uncontrolled change or the unknown, but it must be done. I have to do something about this before it gets worse. I hope to be strong enough to share this journey on my blog because I find writing to be therapeutic and I also hope it will help others.
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| walkingtimes.com |
In my current work position, I am a part of a movement that promotes social connectedness to combat loneliness, depression, and suicide. I am not going to say that it does not work, but I am going to share my feelings on how vague I feel that ideal is. I am socially connected. I am connected on social media. I have learned how to have friends for the first time in my life. I get out there and meet new people. I am dating. Yet, I am still lonely. How is that? I feel it is because I am not connected to people I can relate to in my current place in life.
My feelings of loneliness have grown to an enormous size and through my reflections over the last week, I have realized it is because I am socially connected on such an enormous level. I am overexposed to all the things I would love to have in my life, but I do not. I am overexposed to all the reminders that I am different or odd or broken or whatever. I feel more isolated now than I think I ever have before. And to be completely honest, I am angry at the thought of how less lonely I was when I was actually alone. The quick response I would get from anyone I could tell this to is "be happy with what you have" or "there are others like you, you just have to find them." I do not believe it is as simple as just get over it and just find people like me.
It is not just my personal surroundings that perpetuate and grow my feelings of loneliness. I have also found that its the entertainment business also. It is really tough when you are THAT person that is being made fun of or being put down. No one around you in the movie theater or comedy club knows, but you do. Your heart sinks and you feel like everyone is moving away from you or staring at you. This industry also promotes so many things I cannot relate to anymore or the life I wish I had. Not to mention all the absurd romantic movies that cause me to believe in these unattainable romantic ideals.
I have realized that not all advice or self-help or therapy assignments are a good fit for me because those things are what have brought me to this place of despair and I DO NOT want to be here anymore. I have decided to take some steps on my own to combat this feeling. They may not be mainstream ideas, but I have realized that I am not mainstream.
This is going to be hard. I am already dreading it. I do not like uncontrolled change or the unknown, but it must be done. I have to do something about this before it gets worse. I hope to be strong enough to share this journey on my blog because I find writing to be therapeutic and I also hope it will help others.
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