If you didn't already know this about me, I am an early riser. Even on New Years morning, I was awake by 6am after not getting home until 3am. I have a routine for the most part. Part of that routine includes opening my phone and mindlessly deleting emails and scrolling through Facebook.
You may also know that I am a bit of a neat freak...or maybe you don't. My apps are sorted on my phone and none of them keep that number in the corner, this includes text messages at 6am. So, if you were to send me texts after I hit the sheets, say at 915pm, you are going to get a text reply from me at 6am.
For a while now, I have known I am an anomaly with my early riser mentality. However, I just realized this morning that some of my friends may not have any idea what my life is like in the morning. I had a person with good intentions text me back saying "enjoy the solitude of the morning," basically telling me to stop text them this early in the morning. I rolled my eyes and sent a quick response, going about my business. What this person, and many others most likely, doesn't know is:
--Every morning I have to make a hard decision. Do I (1) pick up after my kids so I can enjoy my breakfast without being surrounded by crap (as an FYI I actually have a hashtag #lifeofaplasticbag and post pictures of the random places I find plastic bags in my house), (2) wake them up and have a nice uncomfortable morning surrounded by attitude (my 17yo is the loudest pacer in modern history), or (3) ignore it the best I can and wake them up when I leave just to be dissapointed that its not done when I return?
--This is just the beginning of my woes. Having teenagers that sleep all day wasting their life is very stressful. By 9am, I am wanting to bop them upside their head and say "do something with your life." This is also the time that I am more than likely done with my to do list on a Saturday, so I am wasting my life away netflixing on my couch. So then I feel like such a hypocrite.
--Then people sometimes forget that I have a school age kid. Yup, that means Saturday morning cartoons at 6am. So, my struggle with her is whether I should tell her to get her backpack out of the hallway and her toys out of my room, or let her peacefully sleepily shove CTC in her face and watch Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers (no one in the house wants to replace the batteries in the fire-stick remote, so she is stuck with DVDs of old cartoons). You do not realize how annoying that song is until you are 39 and wanting to be alone at 6am). *CTC is Cinnamon Toast Crunch for all you old people like me that don't know how to abbreviate everything like the youngins*
--If any of those previous things do not happen, I still have to deal with my beautiful brain. She is very intelligence, but man does she fire up in the morning. My brain starts in with doubts of myself and my parenting abilities. Next comes the thoughts of all the things I could have accomplished yesterday and I probably will not accomplish anything today. Next are the "For Fuck Sakes" as I am walking through my house to get to the coffee. Finally, I start making my to do list for the day. She definitely does not wake up peacefully like my app that wakes me up during the week with birds chirping a little louder every second.
So, I feel that this person probably doesn't realize how much I enjoy my morning texts with my friends that will indulge me as they wipe the sleepies out of their eyes and think to themselves "this woman is a nut job." I enjoy hearing about their day (yesterday), sharing mine, and swapping some witty quips (if they are awake enough to partake). Its also nice because I am surrounded by children in my house and an annoying whining dog. I do not have a SO to share a morning cup of coffee with.
When I do not have anyone to text in the morning, I tend to write in my journal app. Its the Stigma app. I started using this as a tool to see how my brain focuses on negative so much more than positive. The goal is to share this with my therapist so we can start to find ways for me to correct this behavior. It really does help writing down things you think. They tend to go away faster. Its like your brain is like "oh, you dealt with that. I can stop telling you about it now." It also gives you a cool word cloud (negative, all, and positive). Mine from this morning is below:
You may also know that I am a bit of a neat freak...or maybe you don't. My apps are sorted on my phone and none of them keep that number in the corner, this includes text messages at 6am. So, if you were to send me texts after I hit the sheets, say at 915pm, you are going to get a text reply from me at 6am.
For a while now, I have known I am an anomaly with my early riser mentality. However, I just realized this morning that some of my friends may not have any idea what my life is like in the morning. I had a person with good intentions text me back saying "enjoy the solitude of the morning," basically telling me to stop text them this early in the morning. I rolled my eyes and sent a quick response, going about my business. What this person, and many others most likely, doesn't know is:
--Every morning I have to make a hard decision. Do I (1) pick up after my kids so I can enjoy my breakfast without being surrounded by crap (as an FYI I actually have a hashtag #lifeofaplasticbag and post pictures of the random places I find plastic bags in my house), (2) wake them up and have a nice uncomfortable morning surrounded by attitude (my 17yo is the loudest pacer in modern history), or (3) ignore it the best I can and wake them up when I leave just to be dissapointed that its not done when I return?
--This is just the beginning of my woes. Having teenagers that sleep all day wasting their life is very stressful. By 9am, I am wanting to bop them upside their head and say "do something with your life." This is also the time that I am more than likely done with my to do list on a Saturday, so I am wasting my life away netflixing on my couch. So then I feel like such a hypocrite.
--Then people sometimes forget that I have a school age kid. Yup, that means Saturday morning cartoons at 6am. So, my struggle with her is whether I should tell her to get her backpack out of the hallway and her toys out of my room, or let her peacefully sleepily shove CTC in her face and watch Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers (no one in the house wants to replace the batteries in the fire-stick remote, so she is stuck with DVDs of old cartoons). You do not realize how annoying that song is until you are 39 and wanting to be alone at 6am). *CTC is Cinnamon Toast Crunch for all you old people like me that don't know how to abbreviate everything like the youngins*
--If any of those previous things do not happen, I still have to deal with my beautiful brain. She is very intelligence, but man does she fire up in the morning. My brain starts in with doubts of myself and my parenting abilities. Next comes the thoughts of all the things I could have accomplished yesterday and I probably will not accomplish anything today. Next are the "For Fuck Sakes" as I am walking through my house to get to the coffee. Finally, I start making my to do list for the day. She definitely does not wake up peacefully like my app that wakes me up during the week with birds chirping a little louder every second.
So, I feel that this person probably doesn't realize how much I enjoy my morning texts with my friends that will indulge me as they wipe the sleepies out of their eyes and think to themselves "this woman is a nut job." I enjoy hearing about their day (yesterday), sharing mine, and swapping some witty quips (if they are awake enough to partake). Its also nice because I am surrounded by children in my house and an annoying whining dog. I do not have a SO to share a morning cup of coffee with.
When I do not have anyone to text in the morning, I tend to write in my journal app. Its the Stigma app. I started using this as a tool to see how my brain focuses on negative so much more than positive. The goal is to share this with my therapist so we can start to find ways for me to correct this behavior. It really does help writing down things you think. They tend to go away faster. Its like your brain is like "oh, you dealt with that. I can stop telling you about it now." It also gives you a cool word cloud (negative, all, and positive). Mine from this morning is below:
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