In this stage in my life, I do not see some of my friends very often. But when I do, the first question most people ask me is "how's dating?" My current response is "I'm not" and I hope the conversation moves on from there. Typically it doesn't. It turns into something like:
First, I want to share my feelings on this being the first thing people ask me. I have so many other things going for me in life, or maybe not going for me, that people can ask me about. *shrug* Why is this the typical subject for a single woman? I will probably never understand or even agree with any answer to this. I have a full life, often rocky, but still full. I have four daughters, all of whom still live with me, so there is plenty to talk about there. I love gushing about my children's accomplishments and I absolutely, to their dismay, enjoy telling stories about our dramatic encounters. I have a job that has plenty of ups and downs I can share with others. Most of the stories I can make quite entertaining with my colorful use of expletives and descriptors. I am in school...currently in a class with the teacher from hell. So, although I may not be that great at explaining my subject of study, I can bitch about her for sure. I enjoy gym and running talk. I may not be able to go as often as I like, but I can sure talk about the subjects.
I try to think back on my married days. Was this all we talked about? Did we just sit around and talk about our husbands? Honestly, I am starting to think we did. Even my friends that are in relationships tend to talk about their boyfriend or husband, or at least how their significant other is affecting some aspect of their life. It probably never bothered me before because I had a man to complain or gush about, or at the very least he was involved with my day to day activities. When did our lives revolve around having a significant other?
It has been an interesting transition for me. It wasn't some epiphany or angry statement of "f*** dating!" It more came from some unintentional reflection and months of signs being put in my path. When people tell you to stop looking and it will happen, that seems so annoying. This insinuates you still need a man to be fulfilled, but distract yourself until he arrives. But really, its more like fill your life with life and you will not notice that you are single (except when people mention it to you). I have decided that I just do not have the time, energy, or money to spend on dating. I much rather spend that on myself, my children, my education, my career, and my friends. Pure and simple, that's the reason.
"Good for you. You don't need a man anyhow."
(but I'm human and would still like one, one day)
"Good. You weren't having any luck any way."
(wow! ummm thanks for pointing that out)
"Why? What happened with so-and-so?"
(probably lasted 6 weeks & ended 6+ weeks ago, do we really have to talk about it)
"Yeah, you should look for a friend with benefits."
(why do we think filling our lives with meaningless sex fills the love void?)
"Don't give up! You will find someone."
(typically from a person that told me to stop dating, but had never been single, ever)
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| Left: Gym Time!!! Right: Charlie reading next to me while I wrote this blog |
It has been an interesting transition for me. It wasn't some epiphany or angry statement of "f*** dating!" It more came from some unintentional reflection and months of signs being put in my path. When people tell you to stop looking and it will happen, that seems so annoying. This insinuates you still need a man to be fulfilled, but distract yourself until he arrives. But really, its more like fill your life with life and you will not notice that you are single (except when people mention it to you). I have decided that I just do not have the time, energy, or money to spend on dating. I much rather spend that on myself, my children, my education, my career, and my friends. Pure and simple, that's the reason.
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