I'm Mfing Awesome, Yo!

It is really hard to believe in yourself when there is so much telling you not to. It is everywhere and we talk about it all the time, but with very little empathy. If someone shares their feelings on the matter there is a mixed bag of typical responses, but rarely are those responses an empathetic one. I want to share my most recent experience on the subject, so others know they are not alone. As cocky as I am, I have a hard time believing in myself. How can I believe so much in myself and truly doubt myself at the same time? Who TF knows! But it is truly how I feel….quite often. I have been feeling frustrated over the last few weeks. I was not bored enough or bothered enough to figure out why, so it just kinda lingered. This past Saturday if finally came to a head. I was feeling overwhelmed with a feeling close to anger, but not quite. I decided to go to the gym to try to work it out by throwing some weights around. It was a struggle, but it worked. However, it uncovered s...

If you have not figured it out yet, I am not a one way thinker. I do not just arbitrarily follow and stick with one way of believing. What does that mean and why I am starting this post with that? I want to discuss grief and I have a very different belief about that topic. I also have personal stories about it that I want to share that may not be so main stream. So, this may take opening your mind up a bit, if you want to continue this journey with me.

Change can be extremely hard. I actually did some research on change for an article for work a few months back. I am glad I did that research because it has helped me over the last few months.  I experience change all the time. My job is inconsistent. I share custody of my daughter. In addition, my life has been in flux for four years now. When I start feeling emotional, I reflect to figure out if something is changing. It’s difficult enough when change is affecting you. It gets really hard when it is affecting others around you that you have to maintain a relationship with: coworkers, friends, significant other, children, etc.  Summer break brings great challenges for myself and my daughters. It is a loved and hated time of year. When my daughter leaves it is a hard adjustment for me. I’m not sure what goes on with my daughter, but for me it’s an adjustment to a new normal. I have time that is vacated and needs to be filled. I feel a sense of loss; almost a state ...