My Thoughts - Authenticity vs Oversharing

This week has been full of discussions and reading about the topic of sharing. Where is the line between being your authentic self and oversharing? I am pretty sure I am not the expert on that. However, I would like to share some of my thoughts I have on the subject. 

This journey began when I was contacted about a social media account of mine and ended with me overthinking on the topic of sharing. I know a lot of people and many of them have been quite forthcoming with me on the topic, whether I asked or not. I am also reading a book by Brene Brown called I Thought It Was Just Me where the topics of sharing and shame are discussed. In between all those conversations and moments of reading my current book selection, magically YouTube videos and random articles crossed my path with differing ideas on the topic.

I am definitely considered an oversharer. I often cross the line between being my authentic self and expressing my every thought, experience, and feeling. It has caused me harm, but it has also built beautiful relationships and experiences for me. There are definitely negative consequences that go along with sharing with people and I would like to share some of those possible consequences to get you thinking.

Negative Side of Human Nature

Humans focus on the negative as a survival instinct. Negatives need to be “dealt with” in order to ensure our survival. In my opinion, this leads people to judge you for what you feel, have done, or want all because it is creating a negative in your life, even if it is just simple stress. This can create a feeling of shame and self-doubt within you. Some people even disguise judgement with concern. Often judgement is due to a person looking at your life through the lens of their own. It may not be intentional, but it can be harmful to you. Having true empathy is hard for people, including myself. It is the hardest for me with those that are closest to me. In addition, humans are geared to correcting negatives. So, people may feel obligated to fix your issues and this can create disconnection on both sides. You may disconnect because you feel incompetent or shamed. They may disconnect because you are not taking their advice or doing what they feel you should be doing.

Law of Attraction

Affirmations and speaking your dreams into existence is quite popular. This is sometimes called the Law of Attraction. You may even hear people say to not speak negative things because you will also manifest those into existence too. So, if this is the case, constantly discussing the negatives in your life or your fears could be causing them to happen. There is also a belief that thoughts have the same power. This could be a problem because people may say one thing to you and be thinking another. I now believe this may be a good reason to not share your “next moves” or goals with people. I think most people have good intentions, but if your goals have a negative impact on someone, they may be thinking about that and hope that you do not reach your goals. This could counteract your thoughts and affirmations based on the belief of "Law of Attraction."

Overwhelming People

Some people are adverse to feelings. It does not make them a bad friend or family member, it just means they are not comfortable with connecting over a steaming cup of feelings. They may still be that person you can go to when the chips are down, so do not discount them because of this trait. However, in general I am finding out that constantly sharing feelings with someone can be quite overwhelming even if they are empathetic and open to feelings. I am finding out even trained mental health professionals can get overwhelmed by their friends and family members constantly sharing their feelings. Basically, you can be causing a person harm by overwhelming them with your feelings. This has actually caused a feeling of guilt for me as I processed this topic this week. I do not wish to cause people harm.

I am sure there are many more reasons to try to find that fine line between being authentic and oversharing. I am an analytical person, so over the last few days I have been trying to figure out how to find this balance in my life. I have been given a lot of suggestions. I decided I need a list or rules to define how to be authentic and not overshare. This is what I have decided to try over the next 30 days.

1. See my therapist more often because she is my trained professional that I am supposed to talk to about my feelings.

2. Write my feelings down instead of sharing them with the next person I see.

3. Before I share with someone, ask myself “am I seeking sympathy?”

(Definition of sympathy: feeling of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune)

4. Make a list of topics I generally talk about and pick 1 to 3 people I can discuss that specific topic with, only if I am not seeking sympathy.

5. Practice sharing less about myself and asking people more about them.

I like challenges, so hopefully putting these rules into place will create a habit of being able to be authentic without oversharing (yup, bad day, nope, do not need to share with the world the details). I am sure there will be a follow up post on how this went a month from now.