Friendship has been a topic of discussion for me for the last week or so. I have received a lot of valuable insight from numerous people. I do not agree or disagree with anything I have heard. I have kind of just taken it in and processed it. One person who has requested to be known as Ravishing Ravenclaw, mentioned the term "convenient friend." I had never heard of that before. At first it caused some anger and hurt to think about how many people treat me like a convenient friend. However, after some contemplation and reading some blogs/articles on the subject, I think we all treat some people like convenience friends.
Urban Dictionary defines Convenience Friend as a person who is only around when it is easy and convenient for them. They are the people who, if not placed around us, (ex. dorm rooms), all the time, they wouldn't really be friends. They are usually used to doing things for you, if you need a ride to and from school, etc. They are basically friends who need you around when they need a favor, or when they are just so bored out of their minds that they would rather hang out with you than sit around all day, but they'd never put you first.
I have struggled with relationships in general. I am sure there are many reasons for this struggle. I have been on a path of growth for about 4 years now and I have learned a lot about relationships, to include my own challenges. I believe I had a false idea about relationships. I do not think I could even put it in a succinct paragraph how jacked up my belief about relationships was. I think it is getting better. Being able to analyze, label, define, and create parameters for things is just how my brain works.
I think the definition of convenience friends is a little harsh, which is sometimes what I believe Urban Dictionary goes for. But in thinking about this concept of convenience friends, it also brings up the many versions of the below quote that I see all the time. Maybe the "friend for a reason," or even arguably "a season," is the "convenience friend." Even in comparing those two ideals, people have said negative things about having a "friend for a reason" or "convenience friends." I would like to challenge this ideal, based on my experiences.
I have moved around a lot in my life. Can you imagine trying to maintain a friendship with someone prior to Facebook and cell phones when you changed schools 25 times? How about meeting the most amazing person in a group home and they or you have to leave? I grew up watching TV shows that showed the most amazing friendships. Of course I wanted to have what was normal: a long lasting deep friendship like DJ and Kimmy. Instead, I had deep friendships that were short. I am kind of proud of myself for not just throwing in the towel and never trying to build friendships. I still kept trying. I would hand each new friend a piece of my heart right away. I think I was okay with this as a child because my friendships typically ended due to being moved. However, as I started having adult friendships and stayed places just a little longer, it became harder for me when my friendships would end. I did not slow down when investing in my friendships because it was what I was used to. When my adult friendships would end for any reason other than one of us moving, I was so hurt.
Through my growth in relationships, I am learning that most friendships are convenience friendships, whether we want to admit it or not. I move buildings and I barely see that person anymore, if at all. My once single friend gets a man; I am no longer needed to be the wingman. One friend no longer needs what the other friend was giving due to growth or whatever, you just kind of fade away. There are too many scenarios to mention. I am starting to believe this is not a bad thing, necessarily. Some of these convenience friendships may indeed grow into long lasting lifetime friendships. On top of that, I think a lot of us would pretty much be alone if we did not have these convenience friends. We need social connection to thrive.
What I think causes "convenience friendship" to be an issue is (1) believing the relationship was more than it was (2) giving too much too soon, and (3) social media. Yes I said it! Social media keeps us tied to people that we once thought were our best friend (and at that time, maybe they were) but were really a convenience friend (or became one). We get to see all the fun they are having in their new life without us. Until we have processed and accepted that they have moved on, it hurts. Eventually, we can see their new life and think "awe that is so great for him/her!"
Remember at the beginning I alluded to the fact that I believe I treat people as convenience friends, too. It is not easy to see when you are the one doing it. I do not think we do it intentionally out of malice. It just is what it is. I think that it is important to be kind to people, even if they are a convenience friend. So, if someone inquires about a relationship concern, you should be responsive, honest, and kind, no matter the level of friendship you have with them. I think this will take the stigma out of having a friendship that is convenient. I am starting to believe there is nothing wrong with these types of friendships as long as both parties understand and are responsible for their own investment and set appropriate boundaries. Just something to think about...
Urban Dictionary defines Convenience Friend as a person who is only around when it is easy and convenient for them. They are the people who, if not placed around us, (ex. dorm rooms), all the time, they wouldn't really be friends. They are usually used to doing things for you, if you need a ride to and from school, etc. They are basically friends who need you around when they need a favor, or when they are just so bored out of their minds that they would rather hang out with you than sit around all day, but they'd never put you first.
I have struggled with relationships in general. I am sure there are many reasons for this struggle. I have been on a path of growth for about 4 years now and I have learned a lot about relationships, to include my own challenges. I believe I had a false idea about relationships. I do not think I could even put it in a succinct paragraph how jacked up my belief about relationships was. I think it is getting better. Being able to analyze, label, define, and create parameters for things is just how my brain works.
I think the definition of convenience friends is a little harsh, which is sometimes what I believe Urban Dictionary goes for. But in thinking about this concept of convenience friends, it also brings up the many versions of the below quote that I see all the time. Maybe the "friend for a reason," or even arguably "a season," is the "convenience friend." Even in comparing those two ideals, people have said negative things about having a "friend for a reason" or "convenience friends." I would like to challenge this ideal, based on my experiences.
Through my growth in relationships, I am learning that most friendships are convenience friendships, whether we want to admit it or not. I move buildings and I barely see that person anymore, if at all. My once single friend gets a man; I am no longer needed to be the wingman. One friend no longer needs what the other friend was giving due to growth or whatever, you just kind of fade away. There are too many scenarios to mention. I am starting to believe this is not a bad thing, necessarily. Some of these convenience friendships may indeed grow into long lasting lifetime friendships. On top of that, I think a lot of us would pretty much be alone if we did not have these convenience friends. We need social connection to thrive.
What I think causes "convenience friendship" to be an issue is (1) believing the relationship was more than it was (2) giving too much too soon, and (3) social media. Yes I said it! Social media keeps us tied to people that we once thought were our best friend (and at that time, maybe they were) but were really a convenience friend (or became one). We get to see all the fun they are having in their new life without us. Until we have processed and accepted that they have moved on, it hurts. Eventually, we can see their new life and think "awe that is so great for him/her!"
Remember at the beginning I alluded to the fact that I believe I treat people as convenience friends, too. It is not easy to see when you are the one doing it. I do not think we do it intentionally out of malice. It just is what it is. I think that it is important to be kind to people, even if they are a convenience friend. So, if someone inquires about a relationship concern, you should be responsive, honest, and kind, no matter the level of friendship you have with them. I think this will take the stigma out of having a friendship that is convenient. I am starting to believe there is nothing wrong with these types of friendships as long as both parties understand and are responsible for their own investment and set appropriate boundaries. Just something to think about...
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