Skip to main content

Words Unsaid

A couple weeks ago I had dinner with a friend I haven’t seen in 4 months or so. We spent 4 hours catching up. At the end of the conversation, we both mentioned it had been too long and how much we miss hanging out. I then said something like, “it’s hard for me to ask people to do things because I feel like the only person with immense free time and it makes me look needy, clingy, and lonely.” She came back and said “I never ask because I feel like a burden to people.”

This exchange turned on the file system in my brain. 

Just about every assumption or fearful thought that was expressed to me or by me about not reaching out came flying out of my imaginary file cabinet in my brain. They sorted themselves beautifully into a clearer picture...like a data puzzle. It was time to analyze and try to understand this relationship barrier I seem to run across often.

What causes relationships to fade? Life is constantly evolving. When it stops being convenient to see someone, you start seeing them less. You no longer work in the same building. You no longer spend time at the same place. You no longer have the same relationship status. I am sure there are more examples, but you get the point. In addition, maybe something happened in one of both parties lives that distracted them and ate up their time. Assumptions and fear can also drive a wedge between two people. There are so many reasons relationships can fade. But, what do we do to recover them? Often times, we do nothing. We say nothing. The question then becomes, "why?"

How many times have you thought?:
I bet most of us think those things and so much more, but will not say a word to the person we are thinking of. We may say something to others...we may not. Often times, we suffer in silence, or so we think. In reality, our thoughts are not truly "silent" to us. They are only silent to the outside world. When you genuinely miss someone and want them around, you think of them often. These thoughts can even turn negative when you wonder things like, "do they even miss me?" 

What keeps us from reaching out? I will list the top three reasons that keep me from reaching out: (1) Too much time has passed, (2) the desire to feel like I matter, (3) fear of rejection/judgement. I am sure some of you can relate to my three reasons and some of you may have different reasons. The question then becomes "what do we do about this?" 

I think the answer is find our "courage," so we can find our "voice." If you look at the three reasons I listed for not reaching out to someone I miss, it is all fear based. Courage is the only answer to fear. How you find your courage is a personal journey that we all must travel on our own. Yes, we have our supporters and encouragers, but true courage comes from within.
Who have you been missing lately? 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Feelings - I Am Lonely

Hi, my name is Christina, and I often feel lonely.  Are you still there?  Hello?  Okay, if you are, then maybe you are lonely too and want to hear what I have to say. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Making Cupcakes Without Frosting

I had a fairly solid plan. It went to sh*t! I recovered and devised a new solid plan. It went to sh*t! I am weary...but will build a new plan...later because: I am currently baking cupcakes without frosting at my brother's house because my car is in the shop and I have barely any food in the house. I am using what I have to make these cupcakes, now muffins I suppose. I even had to sub' an ingredient. I live out in the middle of no-where, not even a corner store is within walking distance for a girl that grew up in the 80s/90s where we walked everywhere! Cupcakes are my therapy. Making them helps me focus on something else and eating them feeds my sorrow. Let me back up a little for you.   I was aware my new plan was falling apart, but I kept focusing on things working out. On a daily basis, I am looking for new strategies on how I am going to fulfill an agreement I made when I moved here and survive, then become successful. As discouraging as things have been, I have be...
Post a Comment
Read more

Christmas Magic

I listened to a stranger tell the story of his first Christmas with his then 8 year old daughter, post divorce. When he first began his story, my initial reaction was "oh geeze, another ugly divorce story where the dude gets screwed over. how cliche." I was presently surprised when his story quickly shifted to his experience of trying to make a magical memory for his daughter. Photo by Toni Cuenca from Pexels I was hooked on that story. I listened to every word, eagerly waiting for the next. When he finished telling his story, I shared some thoughts with him. That was the purpose of this meet-up anyhow. That was a great story. Even though you started off your story about your divorce being ugly, the rest of the story was relatable to so many people, divorced or not. Not having the money to have a big Christmas and not understanding what your children envision Christmas as, is so relatable.  As he read his story, I thought about this Christmas. This year I am super ...
Post a Comment
Read more