You Cannot Chase Something That Does Not Run

Movies and books tell us that in order to know we matter, we have to be chased.

It looks a little something like this:

First, you meet and things seem to be going great. Then they do something to lose you or they run away from you. A short time later, they realize what they lost (or ran away from) and decide they need to get it back. The chase begins and eventually they have won what was once lost. They never want to lose it again, so they work to keep you forever and you live happily every after.

This not only happens in interpersonal relationships, but also in friendships, workplace relationships; pretty much anywhere there is a relationship dynamic. You are probably wondering, how can this happen in the work place?

Well, this is how that could look:

You get hired and things are going great. You start to feel underappreciated or underemployed. You express this (or do not express this) to your supervisor and/or co-workers. You start looking for employment elsewhere because nothing changes. You get a new job and let your current employers know. They then try to sway you to stay with whatever means they have available. You stay and finally feel like you matter all because they almost lost you.

I have spent so much of my life wondering why this never happens to me. I cannot recall a time that anyone has ever chased me. My first thought was, "maybe I never run, so no one has to chase." I am THAT person who is either available and down or not available and its not gonna happen. There is no swaying me. I have really thought about this. I have cried about this. Once again, not just about relationship relationships. I have been upset that I have not been headhunted for employment. I have been upset because people didn't work to pull me into their clique. I mean, I am a catch, ya know.

Recently, I had a wise and most caring friend put this in perspective for me as I snot cried in a parking lot. I instantly felt better and it all made sense of why, well mostly why, I do not get chased. Before I get to her wise words, these movies and books are a falsehood. Yeah, I know some of you know this and I am pretty sure deep down I did too. But, I have seen these movie moments in action in the real world, so I thought well maybe this romantic comedy crap happens. I have even said to another friend "I feel like I am trapped in a romantic comedy. When is my white knight gonna realize what he lost and show up hanging out of a limo to come rescue me?" That was a Pretty Woman reference, if you were not aware.

Now to my wise friend; she helped me realize that those that I matter to never cause me to feel like I should walk away. I will be honest, I cannot remember her exact words, but she said something like "people will treat you how they are going to treat you from the beginning." I am pretty sure she said it soooooo much better. My initial thought was "how oblivious do I have to be to have overlooked that I matter to so many people?" They may not be my future life partner or a great employer, but by golly I have amazing people in my life! Case in point, the busy friend that practically chased me down in the parking lot to check on me and would not accept an "Yeah, I'm fine."

I have great friends and co-workers that show me all the time that I matter. I actually sat down and made a list of all the things they do:
Effort - they show up
Respect - they like me for me
Recognition - they show gratitude towards me
Communication - they talk to me on a regular basis
Compromise - its not always about them and its not always about me
Forgiveness - they have seen my growth and do not hold my mistakes against me
Kindness - they have been compassionate with me

Life is messy and complicated. As much as I know and have grown, I still overlook and forget things. When that happens, I am grateful to those in my corner who pick me up, dust me off, and remind me that I am awesome.

I am not a prize, damsel, or empire. I do not need to be won, rescued, or conquered. I need to be loved. - Christina Herr