At this moment in my life, I believe I am starting a whole new book, not just writing a new chapter. For the first time in my life, I am open to being vulnerable and allowing others to see that I need support. I knew this journey had a purpose. I can almost feel the energy working inside me, beautifying my spirit as I open my mind and heart-allowing others in-understanding everyone has a different purpose in my life-setting boundaries accordingly.
For as long as I can remember I have been a caretaker. My earliest memory of supporting others was when I was two years old. My dad was upset about something and I just remember comforting him as much as a two year old can. It is not much of a memory, I was two. But, I know it happened because I mentioned it to my mom and she shared with me the rest of the story.
When I decided to work on myself, I had to do a lot of reflection. One of the things I reflected on were my relationships over the years. I have had a lot of them. I moved around a lot. There are many relationships that have touched my heart. Reflecting on them helped me see how interesting they were. Reflecting on these relationships helped me see my purpose in life was to help others grow.
Here is one relationship that stands out in my mind. I met a girl in one of the group homes I was in. She was my closest friend for probably six weeks. She had a one year old daughter in a building down the way from us. Her and her daughter were removed from her home and now the system was working to prove she was an unfit parent because, in her words, she dyes her daughter's hair blue. I am sure none of this sounds weird.
She grew up in the KKK and I dated black dudes. I had friends in the group home that were other races. I even braided a black girls hair on a regular basis while in that group home. I am not sure how we saw past our differences because neither of us hid them. We actually talked about them quite a bit. Before we parted ways, she expressed to me gratitude for being her friend despite our differences. I miss her. She was a great person. Now that I am an adult, I can see how she grew from that experience.
I could tell many more stories about where someone was in their life when they met me and where they were when we parted ways. This post is not about me bragging about "changing people's lives." That is not what those relationships were to me. They mattered to me for other reasons.
This post is about the revelation that I had over the last week. It started with a mom from my daughter's youth group having some straight talk with me. I guess she gets it from being a Marine's wife. She was kind, but direct. I kept stating, "I do not want you to think I am using you" because she was sharing so many resources with me. I told her "I really like you." I secretly hoped that we would be friends, soon. I expressed that I have not allowed myself to meet people here because I do not want anyone to think I am using them because my life is crappy right now. She told me, "your life is not crappy. You are in transition and that is a vulnerable place to be." She was adamant about me allowing others to help where they can.
How can I advocate to others about seeking assistance and allowing others to support them, if I am not willing to do so? Now, I know I seek assistance and I accept help, but its on my terms. It is always within a solidified relationship or through a service agency that gets paid to help me. I reflected on this conversation for many days.
A week after that conversation, I went to a networking event with a new mindset. I lucked out and ran across some videos and articles that prepared me to talk with strangers. I have been to job fairs and networking events before, but this time was different. It changed me, truly. I am very excited to have this experience in being vulnerable and open. It is a new experience that I cannot help others. I am new to the area. I do not know anyone. I have no idea about the resources here. I do not even have the desire to share my story with new people when I meet them. I am perfectly content sharing it with my I'm MFing Aweome, Yo! audience only.
What I do know is once I have reached the end of this journey, I will be the me I am meant to be. I know that person will still be the caretaker, the advocate, the person watering other people's plants- helping them grow. But, for now, it is my turn to grow from this experience.
It is my turn to grow!
When I decided to work on myself, I had to do a lot of reflection. One of the things I reflected on were my relationships over the years. I have had a lot of them. I moved around a lot. There are many relationships that have touched my heart. Reflecting on them helped me see how interesting they were. Reflecting on these relationships helped me see my purpose in life was to help others grow.
Here is one relationship that stands out in my mind. I met a girl in one of the group homes I was in. She was my closest friend for probably six weeks. She had a one year old daughter in a building down the way from us. Her and her daughter were removed from her home and now the system was working to prove she was an unfit parent because, in her words, she dyes her daughter's hair blue. I am sure none of this sounds weird.
I could tell many more stories about where someone was in their life when they met me and where they were when we parted ways. This post is not about me bragging about "changing people's lives." That is not what those relationships were to me. They mattered to me for other reasons.
This post is about the revelation that I had over the last week. It started with a mom from my daughter's youth group having some straight talk with me. I guess she gets it from being a Marine's wife. She was kind, but direct. I kept stating, "I do not want you to think I am using you" because she was sharing so many resources with me. I told her "I really like you." I secretly hoped that we would be friends, soon. I expressed that I have not allowed myself to meet people here because I do not want anyone to think I am using them because my life is crappy right now. She told me, "your life is not crappy. You are in transition and that is a vulnerable place to be." She was adamant about me allowing others to help where they can.
A week after that conversation, I went to a networking event with a new mindset. I lucked out and ran across some videos and articles that prepared me to talk with strangers. I have been to job fairs and networking events before, but this time was different. It changed me, truly. I am very excited to have this experience in being vulnerable and open. It is a new experience that I cannot help others. I am new to the area. I do not know anyone. I have no idea about the resources here. I do not even have the desire to share my story with new people when I meet them. I am perfectly content sharing it with my I'm MFing Aweome, Yo! audience only.
What I do know is once I have reached the end of this journey, I will be the me I am meant to be. I know that person will still be the caretaker, the advocate, the person watering other people's plants- helping them grow. But, for now, it is my turn to grow from this experience.
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