The Best Version of Myself

I was gifted with a very diverse set of daughters.

When you ask a kid what they want to be when they grow up, they will often tell you various careers like police, officer, fireman, lawyer, teacher, etc. When I was asked, I would often say "a mom." I never thought anything of that statement until I started to feel like a failure when it came to my careers and marriages. I learned about values-based living and realized I had failed at things I did not value as much. I value being the best mom I can be and the legacy I leave through my children.

My parenting journey has been a rocky one, just like everyone else. What I can tell you is I am the best mother my daughters could have. Yes, I said it! I am very confident in that statement now. I am the best mom for them because I remember what it was like being a daughter at all stages of growing up. I am also intuitive, an excellent problem solver, and dare I say: manipulative. Manipulation gets such a bad rap, but it is a good skill to have when you use it for good, not evil.

I tried parenting the way books and other people told me to parent and it never worked. It just made my life difficult and a hot mess. What worked was being myself and treating my children as individuals. One thing parenting has taught me is the nature versus nurture theory. Sometimes children get their personality from their DNA and it does not coexist well with your values.

My eldest daughter's personality is very much driven by her DNA and it is challenging for her. She has been a bit self-centered since birth. I know that sounds like a bad thing, but there are pros and cons to everything, people. She wanted to be an only child and thrives in an environment with less people. However, I raise my children in a self-less environment for the most part. So, now the poor girl has a conflict. She was by far my most challenging to raise, but I still love that girl and I am thankful for the lessons she has taught me. I think over the last few years she has begun to master her internal conflict and is flourishing in her less peopley environment with her step-dad. 

I have to say my second eldest daughter's favorite part of my parenting style is the ability to have an open discussion about anything-even my rules. That girl is my mini-me and is awesome at putting together a strong argument for things. She is by far my most determined child. Parenting someone that is like you can be annoying and awe-inspiring at the same time. Watching her has brought to light things in myself that I love, but also things I wanted to change. These changes make me a better mom. 

My first baby is so named because she was the baby of the family for eight years, but now shares the title with her little sister. I learned more about flexibility and problem solving with her. Her sister outted her in the 6th grade-talk about sleepover challenges. Having a gay daughter in middle school poses some difficult situations. I think about safety a lot. I want to make sure that my daughter feels safe and accepted no matter where she is. Luckily, she had one close friend and the parents were awesome. For that first year I was spoiled with not having to do too much sleuthing and no-ing. As time went on, she began to have a more diverse friends in the LGBTQ community and she became more diverse in that community. I had to become more flexible in my understanding of the world and my daughter.

My baby girl taught me so much about love and patience. She is the sweetest, calmest, and gentlest person I know. Because of her, I stopped yelling at my girls. It was the best change ever! It lowered my anxiety and guilt. Watching her with other children makes me want to be a kinder human being, so I strive to be. Her courage to be kind is inspiring. She understands that who she is matters more than how others treat her. She doesn't understand that she understands that just yet, but it is what I see in her. 

My daughters are the loves of my life. I cannot imagine my life without them. They inspire and challenge me to be the best version of myself. They teach me valuable lessons that I share with others every change I get. They are my everything!

*This was a part of an assignment for a class I am in: my most influential moments in life. I wanted to share it on Mother's Day because these girls make me the mother I am and I am truly grateful for them.*