Making Cupcakes Without Frosting

I had a fairly solid plan.
It went to sh*t!
I recovered and devised a new solid plan.
It went to sh*t!
I am weary...but will build a new plan...later because:

I am currently baking cupcakes without frosting at my brother's house because my car is in the shop and I have barely any food in the house. I am using what I have to make these cupcakes, now muffins I suppose. I even had to sub' an ingredient. I live out in the middle of no-where, not even a corner store is within walking distance for a girl that grew up in the 80s/90s where we walked everywhere! Cupcakes are my therapy. Making them helps me focus on something else and eating them feeds my sorrow.

Let me back up a little for you.  

I was aware my new plan was falling apart, but I kept focusing on things working out. On a daily basis, I am looking for new strategies on how I am going to fulfill an agreement I made when I moved here and survive, then become successful. As discouraging as things have been, I have been holding to hope and my belief in myself. Sometimes, things finally weigh you down so much, you collapse. I finally did. As I walked away from my car being towed from the front yard, I collapsed in the driveway and started sobbing. I called my mentor who always gets me out of my feelings-because

It takes him less than two minutes to get me back on track with finding a way...later though because I am baking cupcakes muffins.

So many people weigh in on our lives. It can get overwhelming and exhausting sometimes. I have people saying:

"I don't understand why you even left."
"Do you regret leaving?"
"Why don't you just go back?"
"So, what's your plan, now?"

Here is my answer: 

I chose courage and something really hard because I wanted to grow and be who I am meant to be. I realized that by choosing content and surviving, I was not happy and thriving. I am not saying I love discomfort. I don't! It f*cking sucks. What I am saying is, if you are not where you want to be, you often times have to chose the unknown-the hard-the uncomfortable to get where you are meant to be.

I do not regret the decision I made. Although I am in miserable circumstances most of the time, I actually feel "right as rain"-I love that saying from the Matrix. It's kind of like I get these little reminders that I am on the right path. I just have to keep pressing forward-over, under, around, and through these obstacles.

I do not want to go back. I have thought about it. I have considered it. Backwards is not how we are to live. I do want to bring all my friend-family with me. I seriously want to kidnap them and keep them all to myself. That is the only thing I miss about Florida. I miss them so deeply. What this experience has taught me is this: the people that want to be in your life will find a way. I feel so truly loved, even from four states away.

I have no effing clue what my plan is right now. There are so many undefined variables at the moment and any one of them could drastically change my plan. So, I will just live my life for the next few days and eat my cupcakes muffins.

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Side note: thanks to Goldie Honda breaking down, I got to see two of my daughters. 

I chose to live in the moment then, too.