The Story I Tell Myself

There are days that I have pity parties about not being allowed to help people. You might be thinking at this very moment

wtf Christina. Who is not 'allowing' you to help people? How is that even a thing?

I know. I know.

When I am being logical, I think about things differently. But, let me take you on my crazy train for a moment.

Sometimes I get into my emotional pity party state because I feel shameful of how much I have not accomplished. These are the times when I see people in the same helping space as me having more followers and getting more gigs to come speak. I see these same people drawing lines and defaming other helpers-creating disconnection where we need connection and collaboration the most. That is when I start to question why.

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels

Brene Brown shared the concept of "the story we tell ourselves" in her book Rising Strong. It makes so much sense. Humans are wired for storytelling. It is how we make sense of the world. If we have missing parts of the story, we fill in the blanks with what is familiar. This can have a profound affect on our mental and emotional health.

This story of "not enough" and "no one will let me" has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I will go back to the first instances I can remember. As a little girl, I wanted to do "boy things." Don't get me wrong, I liked "girl things" also. But, if you know me know, you know I like to do lots of things...LOTS. I was not "allowed" to do boy things because I was a girl. I learned to accept I was "not enough" and "no one will let me" as an acceptable answer.

I am a helper with a huge servant heart. When I am in a helping space and hit resistance for unknown reasons, the story I tell myself is the one I learned long ago, "I am not enough" and "no one will let me." I lean on this story to make sense of the shame I am feeling for not meeting my intended goal: saving the world.

What kind of goal is that? That is definitely not a SMART goal.

Watching Pink's acceptance speech for 2019 People's Champion, I was reminded that it is enough to help just one person because helping one person does make a difference.

Thank you Pink for pulling me off my crazy train for a moment.

Comments

Will You Be My Friend?

Why is it so hard to make friends? Humans need social connections to survive and thrive. I feel that developing friendships gets harder as we get older, but then wonder if it slopes back down after a certain age. Since moving to Texas, I have met many wonderful people that I believe had good intentions to grow a friendship with me. I have been here for nine months and feel disconnected. The other day, I was sharing how I was feeling with a new person in my life. She expressed she had been experiencing the same thing. That conversation inspired this post. As a child, I did struggle to make friends, but not like how I do now. I kind of just picked someone that liked the same things as me and then would be friends for however long. I have noticed that as people get older, like golden years older, they start to lack f***s. By then I think I might be like "either you like me or you don't." I have shared in previous posts why friendship is distinctly challenging for me...

My Experiences - A Year Later!

It has been almost one year since my last blog post. I have been on a long journey since that day and I could not bring myself to write during that time. I am ready to write again. My last post was about me taking care of myself, specifically through physical fitness and relationships. I will talk about my fitness journey in this post because, honestly, it is just easier.

I Am Enough!

I have recently discovered what my "trigger" is in relationships. Those things that cause me to feel uneasy and either crush me or make me want to bolt...perhaps even both of those things at the same time. Why is this important? Well, because it sets up standards for me in relationships. Those things that I do not like are exactly the opposite of what I want in a relationship. Contrary to popular belief, people have different things they want. There may be variations when it comes to family, friendship, work-ships, and romantic relationships, but it can be very enlightening to really dig deep to find out. I had been feeling uneasy about a friendship I recently rekindled and I was trying to figure out what was bothering me. I talked to my best friend about it at length because it helps me work through things...poor girl. I really thought it was one thing and even communicated that to said friend. Well, apparently I needed the right combination of booze and context to get to...

I'm Mfing Awesome, Yo!

Search This Blog