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The Story I Tell Myself

There are days that I have pity parties about not being allowed to help people. You might be thinking at this very moment
 wtf Christina. Who is not 'allowing' you to help people? How is that even a thing? 
I know. I know.

When I am being logical, I think about things differently. But, let me take you on my crazy train for a moment.

Sometimes I get into my emotional pity party state because I feel shameful of how much I have not accomplished. These are the times when I see people in the same helping space as me having more followers and getting more gigs to come speak. I see these same people drawing lines and defaming other helpers-creating disconnection where we need connection and collaboration the most. That is when I start to question why.
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels
Brene Brown shared the concept of "the story we tell ourselves" in her book Rising Strong. It makes so much sense. Humans are wired for storytelling. It is how we make sense of the world. If we have missing parts of the story, we fill in the blanks with what is familiar. This can have a profound affect on our mental and emotional health.

This story of "not enough" and "no one will let me" has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I will go back to the first instances I can remember. As a little girl, I wanted to do "boy things." Don't get me wrong, I liked "girl things" also. But, if you know me know, you know I like to do lots of things...LOTS. I was not "allowed" to do boy things because I was a girl. I learned to accept I was "not enough" and "no one will let me" as an acceptable answer.

I am a helper with a huge servant heart. When I am in a helping space and hit resistance for unknown reasons, the story I tell myself is the one I learned long ago, "I am not enough" and "no one will let me." I lean on this story to make sense of the shame I am feeling for not meeting my intended goal: saving the world.

What kind of goal is that? That is definitely not a SMART goal.

Watching Pink's acceptance speech for 2019 People's Champion, I was reminded that it is enough to help just one person because helping one person does make a difference.

Thank you Pink for pulling me off my crazy train for a moment. 


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