I'm Mfing Awesome, Yo!

In this stage in my life, I do not see some of my friends very often. But when I do, the first question most people ask me is "how's dating?" My current response is "I'm not" and I hope the conversation moves on from there. Typically it doesn't. It turns into something like: "Good for you. You don't need a man anyhow."  (but I'm human and would still like one, one day) "Good. You weren't having any luck any way." (wow! ummm thanks for pointing that out) "Why? What happened with so-and-so?"  (probably lasted 6 weeks & ended 6+ weeks ago, do we really have to talk about it) "Yeah, you should look for a friend with benefits."  (why do we think filling our lives with meaningless sex fills the love void?) "Don't give up! You will find someone."  (typically from a person that told me to stop dating, but had never been single, ever) First, I want to share my feelin...

I have been seriously trying to navigate the dating world for about a year and a half now. Basically that is when I stopped diddling around. No more casual meh dating. I have realized some things recently. The biggest thing I have realized is: we are ALL damaged, yet everyone seems to want someone that is NOT. It's not exactly a bad thing to be damaged. Our experiences have molded who we are, good and bad. Think about it. There is not one person dating in their 30s or 40s (as I soon will be), that has not had at least one bad relationship experience. Some of these people are still carrying that baggage around and probably should not be dating. But, for the rest of us we just have scars and a list of shit we will not put up with anymore. This means that as you are dating, the other person will more than likely cause an emotional responses in you due to your previous experiences. This is NOT living in the past. This is called an emotional response to damage that you may or may no...

I. am. LONELY. There! I have said it. What would be your response if I said it to you directly? You would be amazed at how others may feel about this statement. I have found that it is a very misunderstood ideal. I decided to try to understand it better myself through reflection and share my feelings on the subject...my feelings on my feeling of loneliness.  walkingtimes.com

      If you didn't already know this about me, I am an early riser. Even on New Years morning, I was awake by 6am after not getting home until 3am. I have a routine for the most part. Part of that routine includes opening my phone and mindlessly deleting emails and scrolling through Facebook.       You may also know that I am a bit of a neat freak...or maybe you don't. My apps are sorted on my phone and none of them keep that number in the corner, this includes text messages at 6am. So, if you were to send me texts after I hit the sheets, say at 915pm, you are going to get a text reply from me at 6am. 

If you are not happy or excited about going to work, you might be underemployed. I have been in this place in life more times than I would like to admit. I did not even realize this was a thing until now. Some folks may confuse being underemployed with being underpaid. Yes, you may believe YOU deserve more pay for how awesome you are, but the pay is meant to be commensurate with the position. I am going to share my thoughts and feelings about being underemployed. This is not science, this is just me sharing.  

I am a Facebook junky. With all the news about the recent suicide of Linkin Park’s lead singer, I am inundated with posts about how people are feeling about not only the loss of this person, but also their thoughts on suicide. I, of course, have my own thoughts and feelings on the subject of suicide. However, these posts and some of my recent life experiences have sparked something else in side of me. Something I want to write about it. I would like to talk about how hard it is to be an unhappy person. I know a lot of people that are unhappy and we are termed “negative Nelly’s,” “Debby downers,” “Eeyores,” and many other things. The folks that label us this way have a hard time being around us, but imagine how it feels to be around us and not be able to escape. That is the life of a perpetually unhappy person. I am going to share my own personal experience because I can only speak for myself.

Edward Lewis: “what’s your name?” Vivian: “what do you want it to be?” – Pretty Woman dailymail.co.uk Why would I even start a post like that?! Because, this is what most of my life reminds me of. I spent a large part of my life being what everyone else expected or wanted me to be. Of course, keeping up a charade can be difficult, so I would be rebellious every now and again. This did not go over well. Why would it? I am not behaving as expected. Pretending for so long led me to not even knowing who I am. I was a shell of a human being just going through the motions.